It Hurts to be Alone
by JustAGirlIGuess
Summary: "Because," she broke his gaze, "I just wanted to be with you. Monday breakfast at some stupid diner isn't enough.  I miss you Bobby. So, so much." Post Loyalty. T for language. Please R&R.


**Yay! A Criminal Intent story :) I own nothing here.**

She pulled up to the diner and slammed her door hard. She shivered in the cold and wished she put on her winter jacket, not some dainty, thin little thing that offered no protection against the chilly, bitter wind. Looking around she noticed a couple who couldn't have been more than 17 kiss happily and shoot each other crazy grins. Despite the cold, the guy pushed the girl up against the car and the two started to make out. Alex rolled her eyes.

"Get a room." She muttered but mostly to herself. A older couple passed as well and the woman shot a disapproving glare in their direction. It seemed like Alex wasn't the only one soured by the cold.

Shriving one last time she made her way inside and shook of the snow which had freshly fallen and looked around. She spotted him and felt the tiniest pang of guilt hit her, he was sitting at a table looking like a lost puppy, waiting. For her. She sighed and walked over, her wet boots slightly squeaking. A young waitress snapped her gum and zoomed past her with a tray filled with steaming food.

"You're late" He said flatly.

"I know."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just because okay?" She snapped and looked away so she didn't have to see his hurt face.

"Do you want to talk?" He knew it was a bad idea to ask, and he already knew the answer too. But it was worth a shot.

"No."

"Do you want any coffee?"

"No."

"Food? I'll get the waitress."

"No." Her 'no's were getting a harsher tone as his stream of questions grew. A awkward silence flooded the air and the two both shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. Neither spoke for a minute or two, the conversations of other customers and the noisy coffee pot filled the air. Bobby let out a sigh before reaching his hand out and gently tracing over her fingers. She pulled back, fixed her hair and put her hand back in the same place, almost as if she wanted his hand over hers. Which in all honesty she did.

"Eames," his voice was strained, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Didn't I just say that?" She snapped and sharply pulled her hand back and rested it in her lap.

"Please tell me."

"Drop it Bobby."

"That's all you've been telling me to do! I offer to let you talk, I offer to listen. I want to be there for you Alex, but you just-"

"Leave me alone." She said sharply, cutting him off. But he wasn't finished.

"Alex listen to me!" He said, a little harsher then he meant, but it caught her attention, "I want to be there, but you just ignore me! You keep shutting me out. It h-hurts." He said the last part in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Well then, now you know how I've felt all these years!" She snapped angrily, her words stinging like he'd been slapped. She imeadetly regretted those words, and his stunned, upset face didn't help either. He looked defeated and she felt her stomach twist and flip with guilt. He lightly cleared his throat, left a 10 on the table for his coffee and stood up.

"Bobby, please don't." Her voice sounded strained and tiered.

"No Eames, you wanted me to leave you alone, fine." His voice had a slight wave to it and she felt guilt engulf her body once more. She didn't say anything else until he was almost to the door.

"Bobby don't leave me." She whispered. She threw on her coat and made her way outside to him. He walked slowly, boots lightly crunching in the snow.

"Goren," Alex called. He froze.

"What?"

"Wait up. P-please." She shivered and he turned around and walked slowly up to meet her.

"Cold?"

"Yeah." She let a small smile show, "I uh, well umm I." She stammered unsure what to say. He sighed a little.

"Here." He slipped off his coat but she shook her head.

"Bobby, it's okay."

"You're cold though."

"I know but its your jacket."

"Alex you know I don't care."

"Bobby…"

"Okay, okay. So what did you want anyway?"

"I uh want to talk."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

"I took a taxi here, do you mind?" Bobby asked, gesturing his head to her car.

"Of course not." She let a small smile tug at her lips.

They walked to her car, arms barely touching. She started the car and blasted the heater, shivering until it felt a couple degrees warmer.

"So uh why were you late?"

"I would rather not talk about that."

"Something personal?"

"Goren…"

"A man?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"It's a man." She sighed, why did he always have to be right? It was a man, the very same man who just happened to be sitting next to her.

"Don't push your luck, I'll stop this car and kick you out flat on your ass." He looked over to seem a small smile and knew she was kidding.

"Nah, I think you like me too much."

"Ha, we'll see about that in a few minutes." Both let a small chuckle escape and silence filled the now comfortable air.

"It's been over four months." Bobby announced quietly.

"God, it only seems like yesterday."

"I still...picture him sometimes. Y-you know, just laying there."

"That's something that'll haunt me till the day I die."

"His entire death will haunt me till the day I die." Both sighed and Alex finally mustered up the courage to ask him the question which had been dwelling her mind since the second he said it.

"Bobby, after I uh…fired you and we uh…hugged, you said 'we'll keep in touch.' Did you really want to?"

"What? Of course, I wasn't ready to throw away everything we had."

"When you said it, it sounded impersonal almost. Like it was the end, nothing more, nothing less. I almost wanted to chase you down and ask you then and there if you even wanted to see me again." She confessed.

"Alex, I didn't mean for that to happen. So much was just going through my mind. I was scared, nervous, hell you were crying. I didn't want to let go of you when we hugged, I didn't want let go off everything we had been through together. I finally had to though."

"I didn't want to let go either, it made it all too real. What did you do that night, after you left?"

"I was confused and wasn't in the best mood for making the right decision. I uh got wasted at a bar then passed out on a buddy's couch. You?" He said quietly.

"Honestly, I went home and cried with a carton of Ben and Jerry's on my lap. I felt pathetic the next day." She let out a sad laugh, "and even more pathetic when I did the next night too."

"Oh Alex…" His heart hurt for her, alone on a couch crying. They sat in silence for a minute.

"Why did you kiss me?" She suddenly blurted out, equally surprised as him at her words.

"What?"

"Why did you kiss me?" She asked again.

"I uh really didn't kiss you, just a small peck on the cheek."

"A kiss is a kiss Goren." She protested, rolling here eyes slightly. He sighed.

"I don't know I guess. I didn't think I would ever get the chance to do it again."

"Why?"

"I honestly don't know." They pulled into her driveway.

"Oh." She said, slightly crushed, "I was hoping, well thinking…I uh. Ugh never mind"

"No, what?"

"I thought it was for another reason." The words quickly left her mouth.

"Another reason?"

"Yes." She said quietly.

"Another reason," he repeated quietly, trying to process what she meant, "another rea- oh." He said understanding what she meant.

Love.

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"Did you want that to be why?"

"I…" She started but her voice trailed off, unsure if she should tell him the truth. Yes, of course it was true. All she wanted was for that "other reason" to be true.

"You don't have to answer." He said quickly.

"I'm cold, let's go inside?" She changed the subject. He shook his head yes.

She opened the door, set her keys down on the table then moved into the kitchen. He stood, unsure for a moment but followed her in the kitchen.

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

"My sister came by yesterday with some cinnamon rolls she made, want one?"

"Sure, thanks."

"They're uh kinda big. Wanna split?"

"Sure." He repeated and gave her a tiny smile.

The pair sat in comfortable silence, Alex flipping through a clothing catalogue and Bobby reading the paper. The only sounds to be heard was the quiet munching of the cinnamon rolls and the sipping of coffee. Both finished at the same time and she stood up.

"Wanna go in the living room?" He shook his head.

They both sat down on the couch, he at the left end, her in the middle facing him.

"Should we talk now?"

"Bobby I uh.." She looked away.

"You don't, you never wanted to. It was a excuse right?" He said, sounding hurt. Great, she was on a roll today. And of course he was right, again.

"No, no fine we'll talk." She said, sighing . Neither said anything for a moment and she sighed, "well talk."

"You wanted to." He said simply. But she shook her head no.

"No, you're the one who-"

"You're the one who looked at me in the parking lot and said 'I want to talk' so talk." He snapped, slightly annoyed with her games.

"When I said talk, I meant coming here and having a cup of coffee and a nice little chat, not some therapy session."

"Eames, we both know that isn't true."

God damn him, right again she thought bitterly.

"Fine! You're right! Again! You're right! Everything you've said today has been right! Earlier when you said it was a man that was on my mind, that was correct. When you said I never even wanted to talk 'it was a excuse', you were right! And finally, what you just said is of course, right! God, I've worked with you lord knows how long, yet I still don't know why you're always so god damn right about every single thing!" Once again, a awkward silence filled the air and once again, Alex blamed herself.

You really need to learn to shut your mouth, she thought.

"Alex," Bobby finally spoke, but slowly, "can you do one thing for me? Just one little thing? Please?"

" I guess." She answered, slightly nervous.

"Answer my question, completely honest."

"S-sure." She managed to get out, even more nervous.

"Why did you ask me to talk?" He looked her straight in the eyes.

" Because,"she broke his gaze, "I just wanted to be with you. Monday breakfast at some stupid diner isn't enough. I miss you Bobby. So, so much."

"Alex…" He whispered, watching a single tear roll down her cheek. Then without even realizing it, his finger swept the tear away and lingered on her face for more then it should've. She didn't care. Not at all.

"I hate it, the captain's dead, I had to fire you, you're gone. Everything's just so…" Her voice trailed off as tears took it's place.

"Oh Alex," he scooted closer and took her in his arms, cradling her close as she cried against his chest, "Alex I'm never leaving you, I promise." He lightly ran his hand through her silk soft hair.

"I know."

"It'll be okay."

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yes Bobby, I guess." She smiled against him and felt herself snuggle closer into his broad body.

"Are you okay?"

"If I say yes, does that mean I have to move?" He lightly laughed as his fingers traced light patterns into her back.

"Not at all."

"Good."

**Next chapter? Okay, but I'll take some reviews first :)**


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